How To Die In Japan
Do you believe in Murphy’s Law?
I do.
Not because I’m pessimistic. Because I’ve collected enough evidence to convict.
Murphy’s Law says, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”
I think Murphy personally subscribes to my newsletter.
I’ve had enough disasters happen at the worst possible moment that I’ve developed a survival strategy: assume something will fail, and prepare for it.
Some people pack light for a trip.
I pack for every possible catastrophe.
You already read about the Great Projector Screen Saga in my last newsletter. But to appreciate just how ridiculous that story became, we need to go back to before I even boarded the plane.
As I was packing for Washington, DC, I looked at my projector remote.
“This thing runs on batteries.”
Immediately my brain started creating horror movies.
What if the batteries die right before my show?
Not happening.
So I walked to Best Buy and bought a fresh pack of batteries.
Problem solved.
The District Fringe was providing a laptop, so technically I didn’t need to bring mine. But what if their laptop didn’t cooperate with my slides? What if it crashed? What if it decided to install updates fifteen minutes before curtain?
Murphy has taught me never to trust technology.
So I packed my own laptop, too.
Now I felt unstoppable.
Fresh batteries.
Backup laptop.
Multiple USB drives.
Cloud backup.
At this point, I was basically carrying a mobile IT department.
Tech rehearsal went beautifully.
Every video played.
Every sound cue worked.
I started relaxing.
Which, as Murphy knows, is when you’re most vulnerable.
Opening night arrived.
As I was leaving my Airbnb, I noticed my laptop sitting on the desk.
I almost walked out without it.
Then a little voice in my head said, “Anything can happen.”
I turned around, grabbed it, and shoved it into my backpack.
“Ha!” I thought.
“Nice try, Murphy.”
I felt oddly proud of myself.
Look at me, learning from past mistakes.
Look at me, anticipating problems before they happen.
Look at me…completely misunderstanding which problem was about to happen.
Backstage, just before the show, we tested the projector one last time.
Click.
Nothing.
The remote controller was dead.
For one glorious second, I felt victorious.
“I knew this would happen!”
I reached confidently into my bag.
“I bought batteries for exactly this reason.”
Then…
No batteries.
I had packed the batteries inside my laptop case.
Because my laptop is always inside the laptop case.
Except…
On this one day…
The one day in the entire trip…
I decided my laptop didn’t need its case.
I carried it naked in my backpack.
The batteries stayed behind at the Airbnb.
Murphy didn’t win because I forgot to buy batteries.
Murphy didn’t even win because I forgot to pack them.
Murphy won because I changed one tiny habit.
And apparently, Murphy wasn’t finished with me.
Yes, my hero, the AI Jedi himself, Anthony Phills, dashed to the nearest store and came back with batteries.
The remote worked.
Problem solved!
Except…
We still couldn’t play the videos.
There were suddenly about a dozen possible culprits. And somehow, every Wi-Fi network around us seemed to have its own unique way of failing.
One network wouldn’t connect.
Another worked for one thing but not another.
It was like every Wi-Fi network had gotten together before the show and said, “Let’s really mess with Miyo tonight.”
And then I remembered something Anthony had told me before I left LA:
“Bring your own Wi-Fi router.”
I did not.
Why?
Because I had faith…in the university Wi-Fi.
Apparently, that was my mistake.
I looked at the university’s Wi-Fi and thought, “What could go wrong?”
It turns out…
everything.
I had prepared for dead batteries.
I had prepared for a laptop failure.
I had prepared for technology not cooperating.
I had not prepared for the internet itself deciding to betray me.
At this point, I realized Murphy wasn’t trying to stop my show.
He was directing it.
And he’s really, really good at it.
P.S. In case you’re wondering… yes, we eventually got the videos working. For the second night, we came back even more prepared.
More gadgets.
More backup plans.
More knowledge.
Murphy just wanted to make sure opening night was memorable.